What Is Couple Therapy?
A lot of people think therapy is a last resort, something couples try when they’re on the brink of breaking up. In reality, relationship therapy is for anyone who wants to grow, heal, or strengthen their connection. Some couples come in the midst of a crisis, while others just want a neutral space to talk, deepen their emotional connection, or prevent small issues from becoming big ones.
What Happens in Couple Therapy?
Better conversations (without the blow-ups)
- If certain topics always lead to fights—or if you feel unheard—therapy helps you have real, honest conversations without shutting down or escalating into arguments that get out of control.
- Every couple has default habits—how you fight, handle stress, or show affection. Therapy helps you spot those patterns and shift into ones that actually work for both of you.
- Disagreements aren’t the problem—it’s how they’re handled. Therapy helps you fight fair, repair after arguments, and actually solve issues instead of having the same fight over and over.
- Most fights aren’t really about what they seem. Maybe one partner feels unappreciated, disconnected, or unheard. Therapy helps you get to the root of issues—not just the surface-level arguments.
Building a stronger foundation
- Even if your relationship is already good, therapy can help make it great by improving intimacy, emotional connection, and making sure both partners feel valued and understood.
No relationship comes with instructions.
You’re allowed to ask questions, make mistakes, and get support when you’re not sure what to do next.
Who Can Benefit from Couple Therapy?
I work with:
- LGBTQ+ couples (queer couples counseling and therapy for same-sex partners)
- Non-monogamous & polyamorous relationships (ethical non-monogamy counseling and open relationship therapy)
- Mixed-faith & deconstructing Christian couples seeking secular marriage counseling
- Couples transitioning through major life changes—like engagement, marriage, parenthood, or separation
Couple Therapy or Individual Therapy: Which One Do You Need?
Here are some questions you can ask yourself:
- Is my relationship suffering? If so, is that one of my primary concerns?
- Am I or my partner suffering because of the relationship?
- Will the changes I want to make impact my relationship?
- Am I likely to discuss therapy with my partner? If not, will that harm the relationship?
Sometimes, couple therapy happens alongside individual therapy (with a different therapist). In those cases, the therapists may collaborate to support progress in both settings.
If you’re still not sure whether couple therapy or individual therapy is the right fit for you, reach out. Let’s talk about it!
Important:
Couple therapy is not safe or appropriate when there is abuse or violence in the relationship.
A responsible therapist will screen for this—either in private conversations before the first session or during your initial meeting.
If you’re in an abusive relationship, visit Safe Harbor for more specific help and resources.
Common Myths
about Couple Therapy
Therapy isn’t just for couples in crisis. Some couples come to counseling because they want a professional to help them identify potential problems early, before they become harder to change. Others use therapy as a way to stay connected, appreciating the consistent check-in with each other in the presence of someone who will hold them accountable and help them grow.
Sometimes, successful couple therapy ends with a couple deciding to separate—and that’s okay.
A therapist’s job isn’t to force a relationship to continue but to help both partners get clarity on what they need. Counseling can help couples reach that decision more thoughtfully and with less harm, making the transition smoother and reducing bitterness or resentment.
Sometimes, a therapist does take a side—like if abuse is happening. But in most cases, a good therapist takes the side of the relationship.
That means therapy might feel unbalanced at times—maybe because one partner is carrying more hurt, already has more communication skills, or simply adapts to new strategies faster. That doesn’t mean the therapist is picking favorites.
At the end of the day, a good therapist’s goal is to ensure that the relationship is satisfying, fulfilling, and healthy for both partners.
If couple therapy feels like you’re having the same conversation over and over, that’s because in many ways, you are—and you’re doing it in your life outside of therapy too.
Couples tend to fall into patterns—even when the details of an argument change, the underlying dynamic stays the same.
A therapist helps map out that cycle of conflict, identifying where things get stuck and how to shift into new patterns that actually resolve issues and bring you closer together—instead of keeping you locked in the same fights.
In couple therapy, I have a no secrets policy. If one partner shares something privately that affects the relationship, like an affair, we either bring it into session together or pause therapy until it’s addressed.
Nope!
In couple therapy, the records belong to both partners together. I cannot—and will not—release those files unless every person who participated gives written consent. That means your partner cannot access the records later without your signature, and vice versa.
“Be present, open up, and do what matters.”
— Russ Harris
“The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living”
Therapy for Couples: How I Can Help
Break conflict loops
- Learn to identify and interrupt negative cycles, like criticism-defensiveness spirals or shutting down emotionally during fights
- Gain tools to de-escalate conflict before it spirals out of control
- Shift from reactive arguments to responsive conversations that create understanding rather than defensiveness
- Develop skills like reflective listening and "repair attempts" to defuse tension and reconnect
- Learn how to communicate needs around affection, sex, and quality time without pressure or shame
- Understand each other’s emotional blueprints and deepen connection through small, everyday gestures
- Whether it’s engagement, marriage, parenthood, or even separation, we’ll focus on staying connected through big life shifts
- Learn to manage external stressors (like work, family, or faith transitions) without them creating distance between you
- Move from "roommate mode" to feeling like true partners again
- Create shared rituals and goals that reinforce connection and long-term satisfaction
A healthy relationship isn’t just about avoiding fights—it’s about creating trust, connection, and a shared vision for your future. Whether you’re here to repair or to grow, counseling can help you create a relationship that truly works for both of you.